He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
