Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i can't believe i had my finger in that
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
