She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
