3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
