I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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