You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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