Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
