eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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