OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
well you can't waste a boner
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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