it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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