Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Randomize
