i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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