the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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