the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
