I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
