If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I feel like death gave me a hand job
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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