super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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