My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Randomize
