8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
