At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
