Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
