The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
