the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Randomize
