so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
