All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Fuck appropriateness.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
