my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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