just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
