i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
As shirtless as possible
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
