ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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