I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
