Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
