i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
