We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
