I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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