Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
