where am i from again
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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