i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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