Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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