I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
