It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
