My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
