...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
A+ Viking dick
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
