He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
