I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
