And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
How drunk are you?
Completed.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
