she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Just high enough for therapy.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
