R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
