I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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