found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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