dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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