I wish life had little blips of pornography
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
