You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
