tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
